And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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