Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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