I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
