My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
