this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
it glows. i had to have it.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
