So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
