i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
she woke up with a sticky ear
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
