I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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