She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
