I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
