not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
