I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
