No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
