We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
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