On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
it glows. i had to have it.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
