it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
My ass is underappreciated
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
