So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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