don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
