Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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