I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
40s are totally the cure
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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