Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
