Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
