you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
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