in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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