can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
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