Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
