everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
