idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
