i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
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