I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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