i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
