Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Randomize
