that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
