She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
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