I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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