Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
