So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
