oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
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