I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
