I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Is it penis luge time yet?
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Randomize