i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Never underestimate the power of titties
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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