You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Randomize
