Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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