I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Someone came in the potted fern
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
