what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
