just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
zippers are such a cool invention
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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