dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
