She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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