A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize