Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
