my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
