Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
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