Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize