Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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