There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
