her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
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