We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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