You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
