Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
