I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize