I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
