it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
