I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
The air was thick with penises
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
