Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
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