There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize