Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
