Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
