He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
