her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
