the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize