How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
