Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
