It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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