Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
