I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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