turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
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