his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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