Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
