Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
