I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
How does it feel to date your dad?
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